


tonality

by ell (amywaited)



Category: Marvel
Genre: Angst, Hurt, Irondad, M/M, NOT IN ANY PARTICULAR ORDER THIS IS IMPORTANT, Non Linear Timeline, THIS IS NOT CHRONOLOGICAL, Voicemails, a lil bit of irondad, all hurt not much comfort, civil war angst, theres a bit of comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-10-31 09:04:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17846468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amywaited/pseuds/ell
Summary: a variety of voicemails tony's left people over the years





	1. message one

**Author's Note:**

> peggy

“Hey, Aunt Peggy. Um, I’m just calling before they reassign your number. I’m sorry I never told you any of this in, um, in person, but I just… needed some time to collect my thoughts, I guess.

“I suppose the important thing to, you know, get out of the way, would be to say thank you. For, um, everything, really. I don’t know if you ever know how much it all meant to me, how much  _ you  _ meant to me, but I think you’re the most important person in my life. And I think you always will be.

“I just really wish you were still here. So I could just… see you, one last time. And hug you. Even if you didn’t know who I was. 

“I don’t really know why I’m calling you. I just have so much on my mind right now, and I guess I wish things could go back to how they were. Back before everything, really. You wouldn’t believe the things that have happened but I swear I couldn’t make them up.

“I bet you’d hardly remember but, you know Steve? Your Steve, Steve Rogers? We’re dating now, I guess. Sorry I took your man. He’s like a fine wine, you know? Only gets better with age. I wish you could see him. You’d be so proud. 

“God, I told myself I wouldn’t cry. I’ve gone soft on you, Pegs. I miss you so much, so fucking much. I don’t even know what to say to you. I’m… I just, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry that things ended the way they did, I guess.

“This is fucking pathetic. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I don’t know what I’m doing here. Jesus. I wish I could get your opinion on this, you know. I just feel so lost without you.

“Pepper says I need to get over this, that it’s just a bump in the road. You’d probably punch her for saying that, but I get her point. I have responsibilities, you know? Stark Industries, and Iron Man, and I’ve got this kid, I’ve sort of adopted him.

“Well, not really adopted. More like he’s adopted me. He’s so sweet, Peggy. Almost exactly like Steve. It’s wreaking havoc on the old ticker. You’d love him, I know you would. Always wanted grandkids, didn’t you?

“Oh, Jesus. I wish you were here. I keep saying it, like I can just will it into being by willpower alone. Worth a try, isn’t it? I’d settle for your ghost at this point.

“Death never gets easier. I just have to hope you’re somewhere nice. You deserve it.

“Time is cruel to us all. Death is crueler, I guess. Both a blessing and a curse. I’m glad you’re not in pain anymore, though. It’s probably really selfish of me to keep wishing you back.

“I think I’m owed a little selfishness though. All those years of giving. Bound to catch up to me at some point, I hope.

“I don’t think there’s anything left to say. I love you, and I’m so grateful I had you. I don’t think I’d be here without you, Peg. I really don’t. You’ve done so much for me. And I’ll never not be in your debt.

“You could have just given up on me. Lord knows I would have done. But you didn’t. And I don’t think you’ll ever know how much that meant to me. Even if I was really fucking shit at showing it.

“Love you, Pegs. See you on the other side. Not too soon, though. I guess I owe you that much.”


	2. message two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pepper

 

“Hey, Pep. I, um, know that I’ll probably be really embarrassed when you finally listen to this, so please let’s resolve to never mention this message again, but I don’t think I can last any longer without exploding.

“I’m just… God, how do I say this? It sounds so fake every time I try. I just wanted to say that I’m so sorry, Pepper. I know you only ever wanted what was best for- for me, and for the company.

“Which is why I need to… need to do this, I think. I want to hand the company over. Resign. Give you the job. Congratulations, you’re promoted.

“I guess I could go off on a really long boring spiel about how sorry I am and how much you mean to me, but you’ve probably heard all of it before. I bet I could just cut and paste a bunch of previous apology messages together and you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference.

“That’s kind of a sad thought, I guess.

“Um, anyway. Back to the point. I want to hand the company over to you. Put you in charge of it all except for the creative aspects and all that. I’ll still do that but… leave the rest up to you. If you want it.

“You’ve only ever done what you thought was right and I respect that. I value that. You’re one of the best people I know and I’m really proud to be able to call you my friend. I’m really honoured to be able to call you my friend.

“Probably one of the only friends I have, really.

“I know you’ll tell me that’s not true, that I have loads of friends, but you’re still the best. You’re probably the truest. And I’m really grateful for that.

“Which I guess is another reason why I want to give you the company. If you’ll take it. Hell, we can rename it Potts Industries if you want. Lord knows you do most of the work anyway.

“Um, anyway. Call me back when you get this, I guess. You’re the best. I’m sorry for all the stuff I’ve put you through over the years.

“I just realised this probably sounds like a goodbye. Before you send an ambulance over to check on me, I’m fine. Promise. I just… I’ve been thinking about this a lot, I guess. And I suppose it is sort of a goodbye. 

“I don’t know. I’m sorry and I love you. I think I’m starting to sound like a broken record by now. Call me back some time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> message two! my friend [kait](https://starksnack.tumblr.com) had the genius idea that i should make a sister piece to this detailing the replies tony gets to his messages, so if anyone wants to see that, i will definitely definitely write it.
> 
> please let me know what you thought, id love to hear it.
> 
> hopefully ill see you next time. much love, ell


	3. message three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter

“Christ. Morning, Parker. Or evening. Whenever you get this. Not sure when it’ll be. Or when you’ll check your phone. It’s probably dead anyway, knowing you. Charge your fucking phone, kid.

“Just wanted to say, I’m sorry for yelling at you like that the other day. I wasn’t really angry. Well, I was. But it was just because I love you, I guess. Which is a really shitty excuse. Sorry. It’s not meant to be shitty, promise.

“It just makes me so upset and worried seeing you hurt like that. You aren’t supposed to be able to see straight through someone’s chest, you know? And you’re my kid. Well, kind of my kid. I have a moral responsibility to you, and that means being over protective. You’re just going to have to deal with it, honestly, because it’s not going away any time soon.

“God, saying it’s because I love you makes me sound like an asshole, and a dad.. And I swear to God if you say I’m both, I’ll decapitate you. Although… I guess you’re probably not wrong saying that, are you?

“Anyway. I know you heal quick and all, but my old man heart can’t take it, okay? Like I said, you’re my kid, which is probably the most disgusting thought I’ve ever had, but it’s true. Oh, that’s truly a horrid thought. I’m never thinking that again.

“I know it’s pointless to ask you to stop getting hurt, because you’ll never manage that. You’re the clumsiest person I know. And I know I can’t ask you to give up Spider-man, because that’s hypocritical and I know saying it would probably make you do it more. But I can ask you to leave the big fish to the grown ups.

“You’re not going to like that, are you? God, I can imagine your face right now. I bet you look really betrayed and horrified.

“But just… try and see where I’m coming from, okay? I hate seeing you get hurt, and whilst I appreciate that your job - your ‘moral responsibility’, can you see my air quotes - kind of has bruises in the job description. But you don’t need to come home looking like a pinata, or like a target board.

“Just try to take more care of yourself. If not for yourself, to save your old man the heart attacks. Honestly. You have to care for your elders, Pete.

“I love you. I don’t want you getting hurt, ever, if I can help it. But there’s probably nothing I can do, short of covering you in cotton wool and bubble wrap.

“You’d probably murder me if I did that. To be fair, I’d murder someone if they tried to do the same to me.

“Anyway, maybe you should stick to the small fry for a bit, just to ease my heart. You know I have problems with it. And I’m sorry for blowing up at you. And I love you. Promise. Kiss, kiss, Tony.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was going to upload this once every day because its only 2.5k in its entirety, but then i forgot and then i couldnt be bothered.
> 
> anyway, here's peter. lol
> 
> see u next time. love, ell


	4. message four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rhodey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in my head, this one takes place somewhere around their mit days

“Hey, Rhodey. I, um, I hope I didn’t interrupt anything. Sorry if I did.

“I just wanted to say sorry. I know you’re probably busy doing all sorts of fancy military stuff, but I needed to say this before too long.

“It was… it was my fault. And I’m really sorry that it happened. I wish it hadn’t. I wish this whole thing hadn’t happened.

“God, I just keep seeing that moment replay in my head constantly. I feel so bad and I have to take one hundred percent of the blame. It’s absolutely my fault. I know you’re always telling me it’s not, and I know you’ll probably tell me the same this time, but it is. It’s my fault.

“And I’m really sorry about it. I never meant for this to happen. At all.

“I guess the words probably start losing their meaning after a while. I just hope you know that I’m really sorry. And I love you so much, and I would never intentionally hurt you, or your family.

“I don’t even know how this happened. But I promise, I’m trying my best to put a stop to it. And I get if you… 

“I get if you don’t ever want to hang out or talk to me again. I wouldn’t blame you, honestly. I just had to make sure you knew that I was sorry and that I would never purposely do this. 

“And I want you to know that I’d never, like, pay someone to do this to you either. I know that that’s probably what all the rumours will be right now.

“I just… you’re one of the best, and only, friends I’ve ever had. And I hate to lose you over this. But sometimes it just… it just feels like your whole life is falling apart, you know? And this is the domino that’s set it all in motion.

“So I’m sorry. And even if you don’t consider me yours anymore, I still think you’re my best friend.

“Just… call me back, if you can. But if you want to delete my number instead, I understand that too. Jesus. I’m so sorry, Rhodey.

“Like I said, I’m doing my best to sort this all out. Um, yeah.

“Yeah. You know my number. I guess that’s all I can say now. I’ll hopefully see you later? It’s okay if I don’t though. You’d be completely justified in wanting to block me for life, or whatever. I’d probably help you if you wanted to get a restraining order, or something.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u enjoyed!
> 
> im working on a great many things atm.. hopefully some of them'll start to appear soon! one last chapter (message?) of this and then ill start work on a sister one.
> 
> come say hi on [tumblr](https://spideysstark.tumblr.com)!


	5. message five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> steve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies in advance

“Hi, Steve.

“I, um. I got your message. Obviously. I wouldn’t be calling right now if I hadn’t gotten it. 

“I don’t know what happened. To anything, really. One minute, things were perfect. And then the next, they weren’t.”

“I guess I’d hoped that you’d be able to explain more than a half hearted apology, but I think I’ve cried enough tears over you by now.

“There’s this, um, bullshit quote. I don’t know if you’ve ever heard it. Everyone always says to ‘cry yourself a river,’ and I think I’ve cried enough for an ocean.

“I don’t want to blame you, though. I get it… at least, I think I get why you did it. You just… saw Bucky and went. Your last anchor to a time no one else remembers. I get that. I understand that.

“I appreciate that I’ll never be that… that memory for you. But I just don’t understand why I wasn’t enough for you. And I wish I knew why. Was I never enough for you?

“I told myself I wouldn’t let you ruin me. I guess that was an oversight. I guess we were just… like an explosion.

“That’s a shitty metaphor. Maybe we’re more like… asteroids. Or planets. Never could resist a space metaphor. At least… you couldn’t.

“We were just… passing each other. Temporary, I guess, would be one way to put it. We drifted together and then apart.

“That’s just the way things go, isn’t it? I think I’d like to think it was just… Mother Nature deciding she knew what was best, or fate pushing and pulling our strings. But I don’t think it was, do you? I think… that you always knew it wasn’t going to last.

“I was just temporary to you. Although I suppose we all are.

“I think that’s the loneliest thing I’ve ever heard. I wouldn’t subject anyone to it, and Steve, I’m sorry you have to deal with that. With outgrowing all of us, watching everyone wilt around you.

“I told myself I’ve apologised and made enough excuses for you for a lifetime, but I guess we can always do with one more. The cherry on top, or something.

“We could have changed the world, Steve. We could have ruled the world, and we could have done it together. We would have done it. 

“I always thought that I’d be used to people running away from me, and leaving me, and ignoring me in favour of other people. But I don’t think it ever gets any easier, you know? It feels like you were just… playing with my heart. I’m not sure if it hurts more that you don’t seem affected by this or that I’m letting myself be so affected by this.

“I should be used to this, shouldn’t I? It’s happened often enough.

“Thicker skin, that’s what I need. I guess something about you just broke all of my defences down. I’ll have to build them up higher next time, then.

“I don’t want to say that you’ve ruined me, Steve, but I feel like there’s so much of me missing now. I gave you everything and now you’ve torn it away and I don’t know why I’m the only one affected by this.

“I know I’ll never be as strong as you. I made my peace with that long ago, back when Howard was holding me to your standards, even though you were dead and I was eight.

“Maybe, one day, we can be friends again. Maybe you’ll come home to me and the stars. I think we’d like that.

“I’m sorry, Steve. I loved you. I’d like to think you loved me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like this is the perfect chapter to end on. a goodbye, if you will.
> 
> in my head, this one takes place somewhere around civil war, but this fic doesnt exactly follow canon to a t, so take that with a grain of salt. make up your own situations, if youd rather.
> 
> thank you for reading. now to work on a sister fic! this was something of a spur of the moment fic, but i quite like how it turned out regardless. ive never written a format like this before, and ive never written anything consisting entirely of dialog.
> 
> when i first wrote it, i had two words that werent in speech marks. then my friend [kait](https://starksnack.tumblr.com) beta-d and i decided it was better of without them. and here we are! thank you, kait, for beta-ing for me, thank you to the kindness of commentors, and occasionally, their wrath, and thank you to you, for even giving this story a chance.
> 
> ell x

**Author's Note:**

> i hope u enjoyed this! i wrote it in like, an hour, doing sprints with my friends. also i cried during the peggy one lol.
> 
> please let me know what u think! ive never done a fic in formatting such as this but it was fun.
> 
> as always, you can find me over on my [tumblr](https://spideysstark.tumblr.com) if you so wish.
> 
> see you in the next one. much love, ell.


End file.
